We are okay. I keep telling myself this. And we are. I hope things can stay this way. No, I do not mean our life in lockdown with restrictions on everything from gatherings to travel. And don’t even get me started on the schools. I mean safe. And well.
We have been pretty lucky so far and have come this far relatively unscathed in the scheme of things. I still have a job and I am able to work from home. My husband isn’t working at the moment but the silver lining is that he is able to focus on homeschooling the kids (although he may not always see this as a silver lining, depending on the day!). We are safe and well and so far, so are our families in Australia.
These are all big things and I am grateful for them. But right now, I’m also extremely grateful for the little things that I am noticing in this new life in lockdown.
I have some hand wash and hand cream in my bathroom. It is fancy stuff, Molton Brown, and I love using it, even though it is Christmas themed, scented with frankincense and allspice. I think of the friend that gave it to me, two Christmases ago, every time I use it. I wonder what she is up to, how she is coping, when I will see her again.
It also reminds me of when I lived in London for a short time. I used to go into the Molton Brown shop every so often and try the samples. I’d always choose something for myself and then walk out empty handed, unable to justify the extravagance.
My gift bottles are almost empty now, but they have made me feel special. And grateful.
During the long days in front of the work laptop, I have been burning a candle from a friend. I light it for an hour or two at a time. It fills the room with scent and I reflect on this gift also, on the scent, on the friend and wonder about her too. I think of when she gave it to me, those different times. And although I miss them, the memory makes me happy.
At night, I put on a night dress from my sister. It was also a Christmas gift years ago, definitely more than two, and I always think of her when I wear it. But right now, it makes me feel closer to her as well. Something inexplicable from a wisp of floral fabric and lace.
The next day, I wear a dress from mum, lipstick from my husband. Not particularly expensive gifts but gifts that they spent time and effort choosing for me. Just as I wear them now with those dearest to me in my mind. My husband in the next room getting frustrated with the kids. Doing his best. My mum, on the other side of the world, doing hers.
I select a book to read. It has always been one of my favorites. I bought it when I still lived at home and now I’m reading it again. It’s not so much about the time but the inclination. I feel like my life has opened up to these things again. That time with a book is more important to me than watching TV or scrolling through Facebook. I get more out of it, it is more memorable and more fulfilling.
I sit in the new arm chair that I bought just before all these lockdown rules started. I now sit in it every day. Even if it is just to check a few quick emails or sip a coffee. I almost never sat on the previous, now broken, chair. It makes me look forward to the day that I can browse furniture shops again. I makes me thankful for the things that I do have. Reminds me to be grateful for now, even this life in lockdown, and not to worry so much about the future but to look forward to it, when it does come.
I sort through photos and stories of all our adventures. Now I have been making time again to sit down and re-read, reflect, remember.
And what do I take from all this?
It reminds me that life will be ‘normal’ again, whatever that means now. I do not know when we will greet our friends with kisses again and not think of the risk that we are taking. When we will sit in meeting rooms and not squirm when someone coughs. When we will share a meal and not think twice about sharing plates to take a taste.
But I can take comfort in now. Knowing that one day I will buy a new dress, read a new book, be somewhere exciting to take some more photos, make some more stories. But that until that time comes, I am okay. We are okay. And, I am grateful for that.
Would I Return?
No, hopefully not to life in lockdown, the restrictions and the fear. Yes, to reflection, quiet and gratitude. And to knowing that we are okay.